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About nine hours ago, my friend Simon and I attended the Body Worlds exhibit in Baltimore MD. You know...the one where the German artist Gunther von Hagens used plastination to fill dead tissue with elastomers so that others can "see" the insides of a human body. I did not know what I expected, but I certainly got more than I bargained for this afternoon. While walking through the exhibit, I began to feel very flushed and hot...and then the weakness/lightheadedness became all that surrounded me. I thought (on multiple occasions) that I was going to pass out. I'm not here to make a religious statement about the use of cadavers in "art;" nor am I going to even begin discussing the plastinated fetuses exhibit (without a word between us, both Simon and I individually chose to ignore that aspect of the exhibit). Rather, I would like to point out two distinct aspects of the exhibit which have left me with a woozy feeling the entire day. First of all; I was in room after room full of dead people, who were tortured post-mortem, for art/science. I've been to funerals, and although I do not enjoy them, I am not sickened...but being in room after room after room, staring at naked, filleted corpses was simply too much. There was a grandfatherly-type man, dissected into "thick" slices to show what the inside of a human body looks like. His face seemed as if it were a rubber mask, falling slack over his skull... OK I need to move on; because the uncomfortable "hot feeling" is returning. The second aspct of this show that scared me shitless was the cancer-ridden lung. It was all black and puffy...and sickening; like a giant cotton ball with ink spilled all over it. For anyone who doesn't know, I used to smoke...until November 17, 2006. I just quit and did not smoke again...until I moved to The East Coast. I smoked occasionally (mainly on weekends, and when I was drinking) from June of last year until today...but no more! After seeing multiple cancer-ridden lungs in the exhibit, I can no longer even fathom having one cigarette during a night of drinking. As I write this I'm shaking. The fear is real and pervasive...like a stranglehold on my heart. I will go to any length required to prevent my lungs from looking like those in the exhibit. Even the thought of an occasional social cigarette or a "with alcohol cigarette" churns my stomach and causes panic to swell deep within me. The Body Worlds exhibit has scarred me in some ways, but it has also added years to my life. Tags: body worlds, life in general, smoking
Current Location: Home
Current Mood:  restless
Current Music: CCR--I Put a Spell on You
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At the behest of he_who_hunts, I took the Kiersey II Temperament Sorter this afternoon. The second I saw the questions, I realized I had taken this before. My results have not changed in the years since I last took this personality sorter, but I thought I would post them for anyone who cares. I am an idealist, and even though I did not purchase the "full" results, I have taken this multiple times in the past and I always end up being a Champion (ENFP). Champions are extremely rare, comprising only 2-3% of the entire population. So I am special after all. ;) Some famous Idealist Champions are: Joan Baez, Phil Donahue, Paul Robeson, Bill Moyer, Elizibeth Cady Stanton, Joeseph Campbell, Edith Wharton, Sargent Shriver, Charles Dickens, and Upton Sinclair. (Examples borrowed fom: http://www.keirsey.com/handler.aspx?s=keirsey&f=fourtemps&tab=3&c=champion ). Also, Angel and Buffy from the Buffyverse would be considered Idealist Champions, IMO. All Idealists (NFs) share the following core characteristics: - Idealists pride themselves on being loving, kindhearted, and authentic.
- Idealists are enthusiastic, they trust their intuition, yearn for romance, seek their
true self, prize meaningful relationships, and dream of attaining wisdom. - Idealists tend to be giving, trusting, spiritual, and they are focused on personal
journeys and human potentials. - Idealists make intense mates, nurturing parents, and inspirational leaders.
Idealists, as a temperament, are passionately concerned with personal growth and development. Idealists strive to discover who they are and how they can become their best possible self -- always this quest for self-knowledge and self-improvement drives their imagination. And they want to help others make the journey. Idealists are naturally drawn to working with people, and whether in education or counseling, in social services or personnel work, in journalism or the ministry, they are gifted at helping others find their way in life, often inspiring them to grow as individuals and to fulfill their potentials. Idealists are sure that friendly cooperation is the best way for people to achieve their goals. Conflict and confrontation upset them because they seem to put up angry barriers between people. Idealists dream of creating harmonious, even caring personal relations, and they have a unique talent for helping people get along with each other and work together for the good of all. Such interpersonal harmony might be a romantic ideal, but then Idealists are incurable romantics who prefer to focus on what might be, rather than what is. The real, practical world is only a starting place for Idealists; they believe that life is filled with possibilities waiting to be realized, rich with meanings calling out to be understood. This idea of a mystical or spiritual dimension to life, the "not visible" or the "not yet" that can only be known through intuition or by a leap of faith, is far more important to Idealists than the world of material things. Highly ethical in their actions, Idealists hold themselves to a strict standard of personal integrity. They must be true to themselves and to others, and they can be quite hard on themselves when they are dishonest, or when they are false or insincere. More often, however, Idealists are the very soul of kindness. Particularly in their personal relationships, Idealists are without question filled with love and good will. They believe in giving of themselves to help others; they cherish a few warm, sensitive friendships; they strive for a special rapport with their children; and in marriage they wish to find a "soulmate," someone with whom they can bond emotionally and spiritually, sharing their deepest feelings and their complex inner worlds. Idealists are relatively rare, making up no more than 15 to 20 percent of the population. But their ability to inspire people with their enthusiasm and their idealism has given them influence far beyond their numbers.
Tags: fun stuff, personality
Current Location: GiGi Coffee Shop--Still
Current Mood:  calm
Current Music: Still Soft Jazz
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Last night I attended a cure show at George Mason University with some friends. This was the opening show for The Cure's tour and we were not let down in any way, shape, or form. I'll admit straightaway that I enjoyed the show more than the rest of them, but I'm glad they were all in attendance. When I bought tickets (4 days after they became available to the public), and I was a bit shocked to see that "best available" meant: Row Z. Yes folks, we were in the LAST row, up against the wall. The stairs leading up to our seats were fraught with drunk girlfriends almost falling to their deaths. Whatever; they deserved it. So now to the nitty gritty: The opening act was some band from England (Yes Dawn, there WAS an opening act), and they were called 65daysofstatic (and no that is not a grammatical error on my part). This band consists of four guys who play "instrumental" music, consisting of sonic vomit that sent most of the crowd into a frenzy (Ever seen a frenzied crowd of Goths, 16 year olds, and the parent who drew the short straw? I highly recommend it.). I didn't mind the band overall, but they were as mismatched as No Doubt opening for The Rolling Stones (Sadly, I was in attendance there as well.). Regardless, the grating guitar work from the band I renamed 35minutesofsuck, was enough to almost deafen me before Mr. Smith and Co. took the stage. Thankfully, the opening act played 30 minutes and then cleared the way for the main event. After almost an hour long wait, The lights dimmed, and The Cure took the stage. The moment Robert Smith walked onto the stage, the crowd went insane. Personally, I felt a deep and pure appreciation for both my life and that one moment of my existence. My stomach felt as if I had just crested the tip of a roller coaster. The feeing was intoxicating and beautiful. For a full fifteen minutes, I just stared in awe; forgetting to clap...and almost neglecting my own breathing. Robert Smith looked like a god, even from the nosebleed seats. I must admit, I've always preferred the faster, more upbeat music of The Cure, as opposed to...oh I don't know...songs from Disintegration. That being said, I did not recognize the first four songs of the night, Robert Smith did not tell us what he was playing often during the show. In fact, Mr. Smith does not talk to the crowd much...although he does stare off into the distance and meekly say "thank you" quite often. The mix of music for the first hour was mostly slow, mellow songs, interspersed with a few of the faster songs that everyone knew. "Just Like Heaven," "Pictures of You," and "Lovesong" were all played within the first hour. Tom, Shannon, and Simon were all pleased with the songs they knew...even though Simon leaned over and said, "Hey this is a 311 song," during "Lovesong." I quickly corrected him, in case anyone was wondering. A little after 11:00, or right after "Friday I'm in Love," Tom and Shannon had to leave. They were both exhausted from their respective workdays. Sadly, they left before the first of three (!) encores. The first encore contained two songs with which I was not familiar (sorry, Dawn), and then they played "A Forest." I was terrified that this signaled the end of the show; but lucky for me, the band returned for a second encore. The second encore began with "The Love Cats", followed by "Let's go to Bed," and a new song entitled "Freakshow." To finish off the second encore, "Why Can't I Be You" and "Head on the Door," were both played with fervor. For the third and final encore, the crowd was treated to "Boys Don't Cry," "Jumping Someone Else's Train," "Grinding Halt," "10:15 on a Saturday Night," and "Killing an Arab." I must admit that I was out of my seat, dancing (as much as I ever dance) to the last 2 hours of the show. I could not restrain myself; and I don't care. Also, I did cry a little during "Pictures of You," and my eyes might have watered a bit during "Lovesong," but I'll provide no further details on such matters. I must admit that the new album (from the 4-5 songs I've heard), sounds like a mix of poppy rock that yearns for a place on their Staring at the Sea album. Fantastic upbeat rhythms, deep lyrics, and more than a hint of sexual yearning make these songs instant classics. To sum up: I saw The Cure, but I experienced their music in a way I never thought possible. Tags: concerts, life in general, music
Current Location: GiGi Coffee Shop--Baltimore, MD
Current Mood:  accomplished
Current Music: Soft Jazz
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I'm at work, and semi-busy, so some answers may be short and to the point. 1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? The Archangel Michael, before he discovered the joys of heroin. 2.WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? Yesterday after a horrific dream I had. Well, to be honest, I woke up in tears. 3.DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? Not especially. I'm a messy writer, so I prefer to type. 4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? Smoked Turkey (same as he_who_hunts) 5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? None that I know of, which is likely a good thing. Children love me as an uncle or a babysitter, but I don't know how well I would do with my own. 6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Of course! I am a good friend, even if I'm somewhat of an asshole from time to time. 7.DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? Only about as much as I use oxygen for metabolic processes. 8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Sure do. 9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? Probably not...but I'd get real close to doing it. 10.WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Quaker Oatmeal Crunch. 11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? Not if I can help it. 12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? Emotionally or physically? Physically I am slightly above average, but if I become angry enough I am like the Hulk. Emotionally... 13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough 14.WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? Whether they are smiling, frowning, or dumbfounded. Seems as good a way as any to calculate my approach vector. 15. RED OR PINK? Hmmm...I prefer blue, but I can go with red. 16.WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? I dislike the way I allow a river of negative self-thoughts to flow through my head. Even though I have many talents and great qualities, they are often diluted with negative thoughts about myself. 17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? All of the friends I left behind when I moved to Virginia. 18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU? Of course! I like reading about my friends. 19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? Blue jeans and green New Balances. 20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? Smoked turkey on wheat. 21. WHAT ARE YOU listening to RIGHT NOW? The Tennors--Run come. Great reggae/rock steady music. 22. IF YOU WHERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? I'd probably end up being Cornflower Blue. 23. FAVORITE SMELLS? MAJOR APOLOGIES TO he_who_hunts, AS I FORGOT TO RESPOND TO THIS QUESTION ORIGINALLY!!!
My favorite smells are: grass after a Spring rain; the icy chill of a winter afternoon, where my breath hangs frozen in the air; and oddly enough gasoline. I like the smell of it...but I am NOT a huffer. 24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? My friend Simon. We are going to see The Cure tonight. 25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? I stole it, but yeah he seems pretty intelligent and all. 26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH? Does Kung Fu count? 27. HAIR COLOR? Dark Brown. 28. EYE COLOR? Blue--they are very beautiful, or so I've heard. 29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? Glasses--nerdy, yet fashionable. 30 FAVORITE FOOD? Sushi is the food of the gods...I hope Cthulhu doesn't read this. 31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Scary movies. There is no contest between the two, even though I am also a fan of (dare I admit it?) romantic comedies. I prefer a film that asks the viewer to question to motives behind the supernatural forces at work in a film. I want to be chilled in my soul by the flashes of dark imagery on the screen. I want to wonder what will happen; and I want to see how the interlocutors "deal" with their current situation and the horrors they face. Psychological terror is always better than campy films or torture porn. Although I do enjoy zombie films immensely, I am not a hypocrite. Even zombie films can cause these feelings of psychological terror, if properly written, cast and directed. Ask Romero or Edgar Wright; I'm sure they'll agree. 32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? I watched part of The Truman Show last night, while fighting sleep. 33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? Blue and red button-up. I have very little variety in my clothing, at present. 11 years of college/grad school will do that to a person. 34. SUMMER OR WINTER? Winter. 35. HUGS OR KISSES? Hugs...I've known too many droolers. 36. FAVORITE DESSERT? Hmmmm...any. 37. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Possibly hafwit, but he is pretty busy. 38. Least likely to respond? Jesus. He's a luddite. 39.WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? Love in the Time of Cholera, The Unbearable Lightness of Being, and Waiting for Godalming. I read a lot of books at once... 40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? Looks to be an advert for Chevy Chase Banks. 41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT? The Office and Scrubs. 42. FAVORITE SOUND? A large clap of thunder in the middle of the night, when I am snuggled in bed. I can stay awake, listening for hours to the beauty and the fury of nature. 43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? Rolling Stones all the way! I once maxed out a credit card after a bad breakup to get me some Satisfaction. This satisfaction came in the form of a Rolling Stones ticket, a bus ride to Detroit, and a hotel overlooking the area in which I can only assume Robocop was filmed. I also bought a ticket for a friend to accompany me, and only asked him to pay me $50 for the whole trip...which I then used to buy us beer after the show. The Rolling Stones are my favorite band of all time. 44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME? I spent some time in Europe (about 4 months, broken down into three trips), but I never felt as if I was away from "home." I carry "home" in my heart and my soul, and it is comprised of all the people I have ever known, loved, and interacted with on a regular basis. I'm a sappy, sentimental type. 45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? I am an excellent conversation tracker. I can be actively involved in several conversations at once, without making anyone feel less important. This wasn't something I noticed, but rather it was pointed out to me by a friend while a group of 10 of us were engaged in a sociological debate. I was able to follow everyone's arguments, and make a cohesive statement or three, leaving no major point by the wayside. Oh and I am also an extremely creative individual; although I sometimes wish I had a mentor to help me turn my creative thoughts into written projects. 46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Carthage, IL 47. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK? Any and all. :) Tags: fun stuff, surveys
Current Location: Work
Current Mood:  awake
Current Music: Music Like Dirt--Desmond Dekker
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This morning I awoke to a sore back and a heavy conscience. Sadly there is no interesting tale of sexual relations to go along with the opening sentence. I know, I know...I'm a tease. Although I must confess, I felt horrible this morning, and the cause was a horrid dream. I was a warrior monk, as many an individual is wont to be while dreaming. My weapons were none other than my hands, which could vibrate at incredible speeds, passing through human flesh like a hot knife through butter. Any organ I touched would be instantly destroyed, as if it had been thrown into a blender. In the beginning of my dream, my fellow monks and I were involved in a massive battle. Wave after wave of enemy soldiers fell at out hands...and I knew we were doing a noble deed. The dream then jumped ahead a bit to a conversation between a young woman who used ot be a student of mine (and whom had recently admitted to having a crush on me.) I rarely experience dreams with "Real Life" individuals in them, so needless to say I was convinced that this was real and not a dream. Apparently this woman, we shall call her "T" for now, had committed a crime, and her punishment was to be death...at my hands. Her boyfriend was standing nearby, staring off into space; most likely contemplating his girlfriend's demise. She looked deep into my eyes and then kissed me. Her kiss was soft, yet passionate, and not forced in the least. Needless to say, I was confused and saddened. This woman is extremely intelligent, attractive, and friendly in "Real Life," which is where I assumed I was located at that moment. She looked at me once more, tears now rolling down both our cheeks, and said, "It's okay." Her boyfriend tried to move in to kiss her and she pushed him away, saying, "I think we'll leave this the way we are at present." He huffed like a small child, and turned away from the forthcoming carnage. Once again, we made eye contact, and she said, "I love you." There was a long, passionate kiss between us, and then I placed my hand inside of her chest and shattered her heart. She crumpled to the ground, and I stared at my bloody hand, completely drained of emotion. At some point her boyfriend turned to face me, and began screaming that I had killed T and her unborn child. I suddenly realized that the child was actually mine...and I knew this with undeniable veracity. A wave of rage swept over me and I screamed at him, "Get the fuck out of my face right now or I'll do the same to you!" He simply said, "Yes Sir," and walked away. This had all happened in front of some random house, which I had paid no attention to whatsoever. As I walked into the breezeway, I recognized that I was in my grandmother's home. My entire family was eating dinner in the kitchen...I did not see them, but I could hear them all talking and laughing while I stood int he hallway, blood dripping from my hands...which I was inexplicably wringing, spreading the blood up to my wrists. Darting into the bathroom, I grabbed a napkin to minimize the amount of blood I left on the sinks knobs. As I washed my hands in the soapy, hot water, I stared at the napkin, and though how I must always keep it to remind myself of this horrible deed. The fact that I was ordered to kill T did not assuage my guilt or my sorrow. I began to weep once again, and then I awoke...with tears in my eyes. I realize the sheer amount of symbolism in my dream would make Freud's head explode, and I am more than slightly aware of the heavy-handed nature of the guilt trip I handed myself in my sleep, but I wrote this down immediately upon waking up. After an entire day of turning over the possibilities in my head ( 1. I'm feeling guilty over something involving T in Real Life; 2. I'm a serial killer and I just haven't realized it yet; 3. Something else.), I decided I had to post this somewhere. Tags: dreams, guilt, nightmares
Current Location: Work
Current Mood:  exanimate
Current Music: Suspicious Minds--The Heptones
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I have the directions printed out. I have a black shirt. I have dark shoes. My hair is always a mess, so that's set. I've been listening to the Acoustic CD and to their B-sides albums. I have the tickets. I think I am ready. ...why is it not Friday yet? Tags: music, the cure
Current Location: Home
Current Mood: excited
Current Music: Good Times Gone--Slapstick
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Stolen from he_who_hunts, who stole it from an unholy host of others. Comment and I'll... 1. Tell you why I friended you. 2. Associate you with something - fandom, a song, a colour, a photo, etc. 3. Tell you something I like about you. 4. Tell you a memory I have of you. 5. Ask something I've always wanted to know about you. 6. Tell you my favorite user pic of yours. 7. In return, you must post this in your LJ. I have a few friends; all of whom may hate me for my disappearances for which I'm sure to be famously known...so we'll just wait and see. :) Tags: fun stuff
Current Location: the center of my own solar system
Current Mood:  creative
Current Music: The Pogues--If I should Fall From Grace
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