I'm going back, and here's why:

1)  I cannot live in a 9-5 world without prep periods.

2)  The only time I want to spend in an office is during my POSTED office hours.

3)  I miss the theoretical discussions and the idiotic banter of the "smart"   graduate students, who feel the only way to prove they belong in graduate school is by talking loudly about shit NO ONE cares about in the communal computer lab.

4)  If I'm going to be abused and mistreated, I feel as if I should be paying for it...and hookers are frikkin' expensive.

5)  I still want to be "Dr. Steinhour," because it sounds evil.

6)  Women are EVERYWHERE on college campuses.  See kids, it's all about quantity; not quality. 

7)  As I approach 30, I find myself bored with my current station in life...in a trailer...in a junkyard...in Virginia...(catching on?)

8)  Teaching is the only thing I love more than drinking/being an asshole/hearing the sound of my own voice...and I can do two of the three in front of a class.

9)  I'm never going to be rich (and I've accepted that), but I want to be paid for what I love doing...and watching TV has yet to pay off.

10)  When I drink too much coffee at work, I make mistakes...when I drink too much coffee while teaching I get almost perfect student evaluation scores at the end of every semester.

11)  Financial Aid goes into deferred status when a person is in school.

12)  Some of the best concerts come to college campuses (just not Purdue).

13)  Most of my class credits will transfer if I pick the right program...and I could be Herr Doktor in two years.

14) Why not?  This would be an excellent story for my memoirs!

15)  I miss living in sub-par housing and deciding whether to drink or eat each week.

16)  My spelling is going to shit; I used the word "ain't" twice yesterday, and I've forgotten the definition of homeoscedasticity. 

16. A.)  Also sometimes complex thoughts come out as, "Cool;"  "Awesome;" "Tru dat;" or "Fuckin' A."

 17) I miss the learning process so much it physically hurts sometimes.